Home » blogs » Eurydice's blog

taking so long

Eurydice's picture
Submitted by Eurydice on Sun, 2005/07/24 - 2:02pm.

I never thought I was so weak.. I thought I would be stronger and back on my feet and to hay with everything.

I haven't blogged in ages, I haven't done anything creative in ages. I still have trouble picking up my camera. I just hate how I am right now.. it's so not me.

I've always been a positive person. Right now, I just feel like a huge weight on me... holding me down.

This last week my body seems to want to take back everything it has lost in the last month and a half. I sleep at night then take 2 -3 naps during the day.. It's like I can't sleep enough.

I'm also ravenous. For so long I couldn't eat anything, now it seems there could never be enough to fill me.. I'm wondering if I want to cram myself so much to the point of feeling so stuffed, that I can't feel pain anymore.. that I would just explode first.

I hate myself this way. I wish there was a magic potion I could just drown down and the pain would just all go away.

Eurydice's blog | login or register to post comments | 396 reads

RebeccaBridges's picture
Submitted by RebeccaBridges on Sun, 2005/07/24 - 10:31pm.

Oh darlin I wish I could take some of that weight off of your shoulders. Unfortunately I have tried all of the magic potions, and all of them made me an addict - so dont go down that road. The ravenous side wont make you explode either - you'll just get a really big butt and then he will win yet another victory over your emotions. Its time to "comb out your hair and join the human race" sweetie. Dont let him steal one more moment of you. Take that camera, that paper and pencil, paints, crayons, all of the things you use to create and take out all of your frustrations in your art. I often wished I could draw or paint, but I suck at it. My first husband sucked the life out of me too, so I know and feel your pain deeply. I am glad you are writing about it at least. Hang in there ok - we are all a message away with open hearts and minds. You are in my prayers, Beck

login or register to post comments

zeedaam's picture
Submitted by zeedaam on Mon, 2005/07/25 - 12:47pm.

this is very good advice actually. and yeah I know it's easier said that done. but I believe this attitude is what can provide the force of inspiration to rebel, something that is built-in to all of us. the determination to not allow someone else to take our lives from us.

login or register to post comments

Eurydice's picture
Submitted by Eurydice on Mon, 2005/07/25 - 1:45pm.

You know, you are both right. I have also received some very encourageing messages from people online that have been through hell and back and have survived.

I want to be a survivor. I want to take back my life. I need to take it back and feel good about myself again. I still only half-believe that I can ever be happy again, but I 'm going to try and live my life as if I do believe I will be and maybe eventually things will turn around.

As much as he's hurt me, I still miss him, isn't that crazy? But I have to stop hoping that he'll come back. I shouldn't even want him back... for the tremendous pain he has brought me, and he is far from crying his heart out.

I've got to fill his empty drawers with my clothes.. and sleep on his side of the bed. Take back my life, my air, my space. I'm crying while writing this as it means I can no longer wallow in the safety and security of denial.

You are all right and perhaps just the kick in the butt that I need to start living again.

I've got to stop blaming myself and looking for how if I was a better person this wouldn't have happened and just get back on the track of life. There is something about being left like this that makes you feel inferior, not good enough... left behind as if you were the trash. I can't let him hurt me anymore and remember that I'm not a bad person. I'm a warm, caring and loving person and I have to remember that.

Thanks so much for your caring hearts, it means more to me than you can ever know.

login or register to post comments

KevD's picture
Submitted by KevD on Mon, 2005/07/25 - 3:02pm.

Ohh. I have just come across your blog entry, I am glad too see that your reply is more upbeat. I really like what Rebecca said, get your self out and start being creative, you have such a wonderful talent when it comes to photography, PS and painting and drawing to name some. I`ve even heard you a dab hand at cooking, do you deliver to the UK ;)

You know my offer is always there for h2h contest if you want to get those creative juices flowing. I know I have been lucky in our previous meetings, but the fun is in the creating and seeing your image come together(and winning too), but I know you are a winner anyway, regardless of the outcome of the contests, you consistently produce great images of lovely composition and planning and I look forward to more images from you.

Time to get back to what you love doing, and what you are good at.

login or register to post comments